We are Family | Part 2 | Ian Shepherd | Gateway Christian Centre

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to Gateway's Weekly Service. We are so glad that you are here. We pray that this message inspires you, it encourages you, and that God speaks to you in new ways. Now, on with the message.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Jesus believed. Jesus. Jesus be lifted up. In a moment.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

You are Lord. Curios Christos, you are Lord. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. I'm just reminded of the fact that we're in the presence of a king. And what he says that settles it. His word settles it. His authority settles it. And it was sealed in blood. And you are now in that covenant. And this life that he brings, he gives, is for you. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. You may all be seated. Thank you. Welcome everybody. It's good to be here with you. I received a letter the other day, and I'll read it to you. If I can find it. No, I can find it. Yeah, I had a letter the other day. I want to read it to you because. Well, I'm going to just read it to you. My son. I just love that about this letter. It's to me. But because it's in here, it's also to you. My son. Give attention to my words. Incline. Lean in. Lean in your ear. Incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes. Keep them in the midst of your heart. Keep them. Keep his word in the midst of our heart. For they are life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life. Keep that's obviously a letter from Father God, a relation relationship letter from Father to a son, but it is actually to all of us. Keep my word in the midst of your heart. Keep your heart with all diligence. Let your heart retain my words. The other day when I was praying, I really sensed that God was calling us for a heart-to-heart with him. A heart-to-heart conversation which is face to face so that he can take what is in his heart and plant it firmly in our hearts. A heart-to-heart. As a parent and as a grandfather as well, in life, I have seen some amazing things in my children, in my grandchildren. But yesterday I was reminded of the need to create an environment for them to grow and to be nurtured. You know, one of the greatest frustrations as a parent or even a grandparent is that behavior can change, but that is only temporary. Without the heart change, it's it's not going to move away from just being temporary. You've got two children, they're fighting over the same toy. That's mine. I want it. No, I want it. It's mine. And all of a sudden you've got a debate going on, and that's the problem that we see. The problem with each child is they're both saying, I want my happiness even at your expense. You could turn around and say, Who had it first? That would be great. Or you might think to yourself, I've got another one of those somewhere. You find it and you go, here you go. And you go to the child that's just had the toy taken from them, you go, there you go, have that one. And the other one goes, but I want that one now. We've all been there as parents, but without training them, without a heart change, it's not going to go too well. Because we can be focused so much on the fruit of their heart that we could be tackling all the different issues that they have. But what God wants us to do is to get to the heart of the matter because he's after our heart. The heart nature needs to be helped. Our heart nature needs to be helped. A child may be obedient because they know they're being watched. A teenager says the right thing because they know it's expected of them. They've been taught. A child apologizes because they were told to apologize. Outwardly, everything seems to be fine, but inwardly it's not. Inwardly, nothing has actually changed, and God wants a heart to heart. Because every time we see something that needs correction, we go chasing after it and we deal with all the behaviors and we're drawn to whatever the problem is. But God wants a heart to heart, he wants us to have a heart with him, and he wants our children to have a heart to heart with him too. And if we want success in the lives of our children and our grandchildren, then we must be concerned with the attitudes of a heart. So this letter from my father, your father, to us is so key. Proverbs 4. It's so key. It helps us understand what God's all about, what he really, really is interested in. And that's what we're going to be starting, or it's not starting, but continuing this week. We're going to be talking about the next generation, parenting. So that's my privilege today to be sharing a message about parenting. But it's not just, sadly, this problem, it's not just a problem that we encounter with children. No, it's a human problem. Sadly, it's a human problem. Matthew 15, Jesus said, These people draw near me with their hearts and with their mouths. Sorry, these people draw near me with their mouths, but their hearts are far from me. And he was speaking to adults. He was speaking to adults. Because God is really interested to know our heart. I mean, really interested. Really interested. And as adults, we've become really good experts at managing appearances. We know how to look spiritual. We know how to sound spiritual. We know the right language. We know the right behaviors. We know the right responses. Ask me how I know. Because I've done them all just to look good. But God says, No, I want your heart. He looks beyond the outward God, does, doesn't he? He looks beyond what is on the outward behavior into the condition, the condition of the heart. Because he wants heart to heart. Picture it. What is a heart to heart? It's face to face. Your eyes are not drawn to anything else, it's him in his presence, sitting at his feet, allowing him to deposit something that's from his heart to your heart. Because that is when we're changed, because we see it, we encounter it. Behavior can be modified. I've modified my behavior an awful lot, but only God can transform the heart if we give it to him. God is clearly saying in his word, I want to go deeper with you. My relationship with you is not at surface level. I want to know your heart, and I want your heart to reflect mine, and I want your heart to break for what breaks mine. I want your heart to experience what is in my heart. So today we're gonna ask some important questions. What is the difference between behavior management and heart transformation? This isn't where you crack the chest, take it, it's not it's nothing as gruesome as that. Nothing as gruesome as that, thankfully. Why does God care so much about the heart? What role does the church play in raising the next generation and their hearts? How do we disciple children rather than control them? I'm not gonna ask for hands up, but we all want to know how to deal with that one. What kind of legacy are we leaving behind? Why do some children continue walking with God while others drift away? If we misunderstand what God wants, we can spend years fighting fruit and the problems rather than ignoring the roots. Do you know? I used to have, well, we've just moved house, but in my old garden, we had this horrible, nasty plant. It was it was a it had a horrible name called convulvalus. I mean, that's a horrid name. And it's also known as bindweed for those of you who are in gardening. I'm not very much, but that's what I learned when I looked it up. Once established in your garden, it is very difficult to get out. The roots go very deep, but they are very, very brittle. So when you think you've pulled it up, you've actually broken the root, and the roots go, hey, I'm over here. And it goes on and on and on. They break in the ground, and cutting it back, dealing with what I can see at the evidence, never works because underneath all the roots are going here, there, and everywhere. I have to get at those roots, and if I ignored them, the weeds just go traveling. I mean, the roots, the one I found it was four feet long, a root, four feet long, just so that it could go under a path in a certain direction and pop up somewhere over there to dig up the path just to get the root out. Horrible stuff. Don't recommend that to anybody. If you see it, don't plant it in your garden. If I ignore the root, the weed becomes even stronger and more established. And God's primary focus has always been the heart. The issues of the heart. They need to be healthy for his seed to grow. Not weeds, his word to grow. The seed of his word needs to be push out all the things that would harm, that be cause come problems. Let's look at the word. Luke chapter 6, verse 43. This will be on the screens, and it's in the New King James Version. For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit, for every tree is known by its fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth fruit, good fruit. And an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil, an evil fruit. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. So, what is our response? Well, we've got three points. Seems to be a traditional phase, so why not me have three points? We can have three points. The heart of the church is to help raise children, not just parents. I've talked to so far mostly about in general terms that God looks all of our hearts. We are his children, but in turn, our heart then needs to have that and adopt that towards the next generation. So I'm now going to make some more focus towards what is the heart of the church, is to help raise children, not just the parents. One of the most individualistic ideas in modern culture is the belief that raising children is solely the responsibility of parents. That is a massive part, say so in the Bible, but it's not the only part. Certainly, as parents, we carry the primary responsibility, but biblically, children were raised not in isolation, they were raised in a covenant community. In Deuteronomy 6, 4 to 9, God instructs his people to teach his ways diligently to their children. So in Deuteronomy 6, chapter 6, verse 4, it says, Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God. The Lord is one. Basically, this is Moses referring to the book that he's reading, or the word he's reading from. This is from God, not from me. Don't blame me, don't shoot the messenger. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. The word shall be in your heart. Then you shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Notice the context. And we've been talking all about context with the kids that have been coming. It's very important to know the context. That was a plug, by the way. For the next time we do a family Bible ministry talk family Bible study. This is not a weekly lesson. This is setting a culture. Faith is being talked about consistently and constantly in the home, on the journey, in everyday circumstances, in everyday situations. Look for ways to bring in the word so that we can bring out a teaching point in daily life. God's vision was never simply parents teaching and nurturing children. They grew up in an entire covenant community, living out faith together. Then in Psalm 145, verse 4, David declares, one generation shall praise your works to another. You can see the way it's been passed down. It doesn't say parents shall praise your works to your children, it says one generation, and that broadens responsibility. Now I know we've got kids' ministry going on today, we've got youth with tribe going on today. We've got Jim on a Friday, another plug for Friday. Jim is back on. This is why the church family matters. The local church is not some somewhere we bring children, this is a spiritual family where generations of older people nurture and invest in younger generations so that they can all encounter God together. Psalm 78 takes it even further in verse 4. We will not hide them. This is a whole community of people. We will not hide them from the children, telling their one generation to come, the praises of our Lord, and his strength and his wonderful works, and all that he has done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and he appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers that they should make them known to their children, that the generation to come might know them, the children would be who would be born, that they would arise and declare them to their children, and they may set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments. The psalmist describes the responsibility of telling future generations about the faithfulness of God, so that those that come will then place their confidence and their trust in him, learn about him. The goal is producing faith in the next generation. Paul then paints the same picture to Titus. That's the book we've been studying in the Family Ministry Bible study. Have I been telling you about that yet? Okay, well, there you go. Told you again. But as for you, Titus, this is Titus chapter 2, 1 to 8. Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. I won't tell you what went on in the family my Bible ministry about that bit. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. Wisely, and you yourself must be an example to them by doing good. Works of every kind, everything you do to reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your your teaching cannot be criticized, then those who oppose us will not be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us. Older believers investing in younger believers, life flowing across the generations, knitting together a community of faith, wisdom being transferred and character being modified from one generation to another. I remember when Paul was talking to uh Timothy when he wrote the second book of Timothy, he said that it was Eunice, Lois, and Timothy. So you've got three generations: you've got the grandmother, the mother, and the son. So you've got three generations connected together, faith flowing from one life, one generation into another. That's the spiritual family functioning properly. Now I've talked a lot about parents there as well, as the community. But as an illustration, most of us, and I was reflecting on this, I remember there was a lady sitting just about there. It wasn't you, it was somebody else. Her name was Faith Perrin. I remember her because she was my Sunday school teacher, and she was the one who told me about the gospel. And then when I went home, I got saved. And I remembered her, I gave her a hook, she didn't even know. I mean, she later became a teacher as well. But it kind of reminded me of the fact that everybody needs a pastor in the life, but everybody also needs a parent. But there are many, many kinds of pastors that we can have. They may be a youth leader, they may be the actual pastor, they may be a Sunday school teacher, they may be a mentor, they may be a teacher at school, somebody who believed in us, someone who modeled faith for us. This is the power of spiritual family, where we all model our faith to the next generation. This is point number two. Behavior is fruit, the heart is the root. One of the greatest themes throughout scripture is that God consistently looks deeper than just behavior. When Samuel searched for Israel's next king in 1 Samuel 16, God reminds him that people look at the outward appearance because we're all good at modeling our outward behavior. I know I am sometimes. Sometimes I'm just dreadful at it. But God looks at the heart, and when God gets my heart, when he breaks my heart for what breaks is, when he speaks something to me, I'm just thinking about it now when I was sitting in my room at home, and I remember the fact that when God, when I was reading Proverbs 4, and God said, I want a heart to heart. That's what he said. But it was like the King of the Universe has just spoken to me and implanted something in my heart that he wants a heart to heart with me. Now that's just words to you, possibility, but that broke me because I really sensed the spirit and the weight of it as he spoke to me. I want a heart to heart, and as I was preparing for this, I really felt that God was saying, He wants our hearts, because he wants a heart that he can work through, he wants a heart that he can work through. Samuel, he was choosing about this one, no, uh this one, no, no, not these ones, because he wanted the heart, he wanted the heart of David. One Samuel 16 7 says, But the Lord said to Samuel, do not look at his appearance or his physical stature, because I have refused him. Wow, that's big. I'm reading between the lines here that his heart wasn't right. I can't work with that heart. Not where it is at the moment, but I want that heart. For the Lord does not see as man sees, for the man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. That single verse explains so much about how God works. Human beings naturally focus on behavior and fruit and what is the exterior, but God focus is what is producing that behavior, that fruit, and what comes out. This becomes incredibly important in parenting because when a child lies or tells a fib, the goal is not merely to stop the lie, but helping them see what is taking place, the deeper becomes sorry, the question becomes deeper. What is happening in the heart? Fear. What is that leading to? Why did that response come out of my child? Was it if I don't look at what's causing that thing to come out of my child's mouth? I need to be able to know what's in. Are they fearful? And is that forcing them to that response? How is that affecting the way that they react to me and therefore towards others? What about insecurity? What about shame? What about self-protection? What what is what is the root in my child's heart or my grandchildren's heart that's causing them to respond in a certain way? That's what I'm interested in. Because if I can correct that, if I can get if I can get God into that situation, if I can allow the Holy Spirit to move in that situation, then I'm a winner. And that my child and my grandchildren are winners because God is moving in their hearts. Behavior itself is not the deepest issue, the heart is. All of that comes out of the heart. Because the heart comes first. Behavior follows what's in the heart. This is why Solomon told us to guard our heart above everything else. Because eventually the heart determines the direction for life, the direction of our responses, the direction of our words. And that's why the gospel is so powerful. Ezekiel 36, verse 26 says, I will give you a new heart. Now, this is a point when I realize that Jesus did so much more at the cross than I realized to begin with. He brought in a new covenant where a new heart can be given. What an awesome promise. What a victory. Because we all know, if we look if we reflect on what's just been said in the last 20 minutes or so, we all know the truth of the fact that the issues come from within the heart. But the fact that God says, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you. I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. God does not merely improve behavior, he gives a new heart. One he desires to commune with, to have a heart to heart with. Christianity is not behavior modification, it's heart transformation. Imagine, and we're going to talk about gardening again. Imagine seeing diseased fruit hanging from a tree. You could spend all day removing all that fruit, but if the fruit remains diseased, new fruit will eventually disappear. New fruit that isn't so good. Many of us go around life managing fruit. That's so much like hard work. I'm going back to that convolval. I know it took me hours and hours and hours. I mean, do you know what? You know what? The worst part of it is this plant wasn't even in my garden. It had traveled from a next door neighbor's garden. It had trespassed on God's holy soil in my garden. But it was so much hard work trying to get rid of it. Hours, hours and days. But God transforms roots. He transforms roots. He transforms the heart. The fact is, if you have a tree that's grown diseased fruit, the only way you can bring it back to health is to prune away any damage, wash off what is existing soil, and plant it into new soil. Because the tree responds to the new soil health. Point number three. Got loads of time, don't worry. Parents are called to shepherd hearts, not simply control behavior. I love this one. Once we understand that the heart is the issue, parenting becomes to look very different. The goal is no longer simply producing compliant children, although they are lovely. The goal becomes raising disciples. And that's the key. Raising disciples. Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4 says, And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. That one sentence says, Don't you try and do it, point them to me. I will show you how, but you point them to me. Paul instructs parents to bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. That's a discipleship language. Parenting is not primarily behavior management, it is discipleship, helping children understand who God is, who they are and who they are in Christ, how truth works. That's a good one. This is what truth is, and this is how it works, and where to find it. How wisdom works, how conviction works, how relationship with God works. The biblical picture we're creating is shepherding. And shepherding is one of God's favorite leadership images. This is why Proverbs 22, verse 6 speaks about training up a what a child in the way that they should go. Do you notice that that says you train up a child in the way that they should go? That just gives you a clue as parents. They're not necessarily going to automatically follow the way you've just trained them. But you train them up in the way that they should go. Because then when they are old, they will not depart from it. Because why has it been a passage of time? Because seed has been planted, it takes time for it to germinate and grow. And when they're old, they think, aha, this is now born fruit in my life. I like this. And they decide to go themselves because they have their heart as be transformed by the fruit of the word. Shepherding. Training. Train up a child in the way they should go. That implies it's a process. If there was one word that you well, then there's a lot of words you should take away from this morning, but there's one word that I'm going to say now that's very important in parenting. Patience. Patience. Yeah. It's a process that requires our patience, but we as in parents intentionally give them the word consistently. We talk about it because of the relationship that we have with them. We want their heart and we want to give them something of our heart. We want to say, This is what I've received from God because He's planted it in me. And now I'm going to give it to you and plant it in you. At the same time, heart-focused parenting is not permissive parenting. Do you know what permissive parenting is? That's a life without rules and without demands, or few of them. We have to create safe boundaries. We have to create some rules. Because they don't just disappear. Jesus was full of grace, but he's also full of truth. And sometimes the truth is hard to receive. And the writer of Hebrews teaches us that God disciplines those he loves. Hebrews 12, verse 5, and you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons. My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him. For whom the Lord loves, he chastens and scourges every son that he receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as sons. For what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us and we paid them respect. Shall we not more much more readily be in subjection to the Father of Spirits and live? For they indeed for they indeed for a few days chastened us as it seemed best to them, but he, God, for our profit, that we may be partakers of his holiness. Now chastening seems to be joyful no chastening seems to be joyful in the present, but painful. Nevertheless, afterward it yields peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. That's where the patience comes in. Afterwards, it yields peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Patience. Picture it this way. We're going back to gardening again. I'm not a gardener, by the way. I've got a garden. A gardener will prune a tree or a shrub because he enjoys watching it grow and bear fruit. Correct? Correct. But he knows that if he prunes it, it will bear more fruit. And more fruit. Pruning provides the tree a safe place for it to grow, otherwise, it goes wild and with abandon. Oops. It protects the plant health and it promotes more fruit for a harvest. Pruning is the evidence of love and care for the tree or the shrub, knowing what's best for it. Discipline is not evidence of rejection, it's evidence of sonship in a loving relationship. Children need it, our grandchildren need it. But also, we need it. We need boundaries, we need consequences, we need the correction of the Holy Spirit, we need accountability. All these best things work inside a loving relationship, and we see perfectly modeled in Jesus in John 1 14. And the word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory, the glory as the of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. Jesus is full of grace and truth, not grace without truth, or not truth without grace, but both together. Fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Parents should not discourage or provoke their children. Why? Because God's goal is not merely to external compliance, because God's goal is in the winning of hearts. So the gospel and its connection with what we've just been speaking, ultimately, every parent arrives at the same humbling conclusion. I cannot transform this child. I can't. But he can. I can teach you. Yes, I can teach you. I can model it for you. But God, when I bring them to God, I can pray. I can pray a lot. And I can correct and I can disciple. But God will transform their heart. The Holy Spirit can bring genuine transformation. And we'd had a meeting over in the zone. And uh it was a powerful, powerful prayer meeting. And then when we got home, my uh my youngest son, he said, Where have you been? We're thinking, we've been to church. Okay. What were you doing at church? Well, if you must know, we were we were at a prayer meeting. Okay. All right. Um what were you praying for? I thought this is a curious question. Normally you just leave it at where have you been? But now you want to know what we've been praying for? I says, Well, we've been praying for the next generation. We've been praying for you, we've been praying for Laura, we've been praying for Alex, we've been praying for you, our children, and our grandchildren. We've been praying for you. Why? He says, Well, tears were forming down his eyes at this point, and I was thinking, something's going on. I said, Why? He says, Well, I was just sitting on my bed minding my own business, being overwhelmed by something that I didn't really understand, and I was feeling quite anxious, I was feeling quite sad. But I knew the journey he'd been on, and he basically repeated it back to me saying. My job's all sorted now. I'm earning the money that I wanted to earn. I'm in a good relationship. I'm living back at home with my parents. Life is good. I get my washing and ironing done. I am fed. I couldn't understand why I felt so lust and so sad. So I put I did what you do, Dad. I put some music on. So I've got the I've got my phone. I was Christian music. There we go. Put some of that on. So I just sat and listened, and then I kept drifting my eyesight over to the corner of the room, and there the dust lay. There it was, my Bible that you bought me. So I opened it up. Dad had an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Can I get born again? Yes, you can. So prayer works, patience works, modeling works, the word works. It's so important. It's so important that we have that relationship with God, that we have the heart to heart because He knows. The Holy Spirit with your revelation on top of the word takes all the pressure off you. Takes all the pressure off you completely. But he's already won. He takes the pressure away that we put ourselves under, but reminds us that we must cover our children in prayer. Because parenting was never about being perfect or producing perfect children, it was about faithfully pointing children towards a perfect Savior. The same God who gives us a new heart in Ezekiel 36 is the God who transforms the hearts of the next generation. Perhaps God today is speaking not only to parents, He's actually speaking to each and every one of us. Who are we helping disciple? We're a church body. This is a family. Who are we influencing? What legacy are we leaving? We're all called to help future generations put their confidence in God. And according to Deuteronomy six, faith is meant to be woven into everyday life. This is everyday life. The future of every family, every church, and every generation will ultimately be determined by what happens in the heart, and that's what I want to see. Because the fruit of that is strong families, strong churches, strong disciples, one generation declaring his faithfulness to the next. Let's pray. Father, we just thank you for your word. Thank you that it brings revelation. Father, we thank you for your Holy Spirit. Jesus, we thank you because of your sacrifice, because of the heart that you gave to Father God, meant that it was poured out for us that we may know you and may know Him and may encounter the Holy Spirit. Thank you so much, Jesus. Be lifted high, be lifted higher, be the preeminence in our lives. Help us, Holy Spirit. I pray that as we leave from this place to the next, that we model, that we disciple, that we create a safe place for our children to grow. Father, we create a safe place in this place for our children to grow. Help us gather around them to disciple them so that they may grow and know you. Father, I pray that as we leave this place, I pray that the seed of these words will be planted in the hearts of this room. And Father, it would not it would not return to you void, but it will accomplish those things for which you sent it. Father, I pray that you would minister each and every one of us by your Spirit. Give us wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of you.

SPEAKER_00 49:46

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's message at Gateway. We were so glad to be able to share it with you. If you would like to find out more about what is going on at Gateway or when our weekly services are, you can visit our website at www.igateway.org.uk. Thank you so much for joining us.